Some of you may remember my last Mary post where she asked me to "cease and decease" my blog activities. After very little thought and consideration and another email from mary, I decided this is MY blog and she can bug off. (This here's the time where you cue up RUN -DMC's song Mary Mary). I have to ask myself why she's buggin'.. Here's yet ANOTHER email from my biggest fan.
Mary writes:
"I feel as you sit in my compooter laughing at me at my expense. I can not to ford this as I am a fixed income. Will you please stop your postings so as I can get back to my online bingo? My information served to me sedated told me that I must request you to stop as that is my only course to take. Please honor my request as I am not wanting to hear from you again. Your postings have become brothersome to me as I am unable to do my daily compterization activations. Some nights I have lost sheep because of your constant postage. I do hop that you will soon stoop this and that I may regain my excess to my compooter. I wish you ill soon and stop this behiveor with I find too bee very childless.
Mary"
Yet again my dear readers lets break this one down...
"I feel as you sit in my compooter laughing at me at my expense." Thats gotta be one big "compooter"! I'm 6 feet 3 inches tall. My time and talents are valuable. Please remit $74,689,567 for my time sitting and laughing at you.
"I can not to ford this as I am a fixed income." I believe Ford will be okay with the fact that you're a fixed income. BTW you're a fixed income? How much? Most hard working American's are also on a fixed income, they work 40 hours a week for a certain rate per hour. Sounds pretty fixed to me...
"Will you please stop your postings so as I can get back to my online bingo?" Personally, I think the game should be renamed to "oh crap" because everytime 1 person yells "BINGO", 45 others yell "OH CRAP!" And if you are a "fixed income" you shouldn't be wasting your money anyway.
"My information served to me sedated told me that I must request you to stop as that is my only course to take." So thats your problem, you've been sedated. Explains a lot there.
"Please honor my request as I am not wanting to hear from you again." I believe this is the only sentence I understand without having to translate it.
"Your postings have become brothersome to me as I am unable to do my daily compterization activations. " She ain't heavy.... She's my brother! WTF are computerization activations anyway?
"Some nights I have lost sheep because of your constant postage." You might want to call Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue or your local animal control people, they may be able to help you find your sheep. I apologize if my postage rates are too high for someone who is a fixed income. But rest assured my prices are cheaper than the US Postal Service.
"I do hop that you will soon stoop this and that I may regain my excess to my compooter." Be careful while you hop. I don't want you to fall and break a hip. I stoop it as soon as I figure out where to stoop. Consider yourself very lucky that you have "excess to your compooter". I know some people who like to have compooter excess.
"I wish you ill soon and stop this behiveor with I find too bee very childless." My dear Mary.. I think it's time to take your medication or seek professional help. I would NEVER wish anyone "ill soon". It's just not polite. Behiveor.. I guess a bee hive beats a hornet's nest! Too Bee or not too bee? thats not the correct spelling of "to be".. Childless? Hey now, thats a low blow.. I know I don't have children yet. But we's working on it. Besides does the world need another me running around?
My faithful and highly entertained readers (I hope), I can only imagine that Mary has added my blog to her blog list by mistake. I have to the best of my ability sent her instructions on how to remove my blog (I'm fighting back tears) from her list. Will this be the final episode? Tune in later to find out.
Greg, I swear you have to be making this up. I wiping the tears as I read this.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Carin now.....you are making it up and practicing to write a book. (And I'll be at the beginning of the line to buy it as you are extremely funny!!! You could team up with Janet Evanovich and come up with some really hilarious books....with no problem at all. LOL)
ReplyDeleteI wish I was making this up. The actual emails come in at all hours and when both of us are home.. I wish she'd stop, but I'll play along as long as she does
ReplyDeleteShe sounds a little goofy but from what I've read in your blog, so far, so are you LOL. I must admit I thought that perhaps your wife was messing with you....it's something I would do to my hubby, but maybe not :0)
ReplyDeleteCrispy
I've been hit! Mary writes to my email:
ReplyDelete"it is very not nice of you to poke at my fun. I do not want to read these posters but they do not stoop. Is there nothing you can't do?" -Mary (end quote)
I sent her back a nice long email. *GRIN* Now correct me if I'm wrong - but to see the comments to a blog post don't you have to visit the actual blog?
Just to funny!!
ReplyDeleteHI Mary, I wish you wood stoop it too. Your sheep have been grazing on my toomater plans and my hairvest had been rooned. Plase come and retain your sheeps.
ReplyDeleteGreg, I am with the other girls...are you sure you are not making this up? Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteI wish he was making it up at least then there'd be an end to it all. This woman truley believes Greg is harassing her by sending these "posters" to her inbox to ruin her bingo games. I also wish I had thought of it just to mess with him. LOL We worked together and shared an office at a previous job and he got all paranoid that someone was coming into our office at night. So I had him lay down powder on the floor inside of the door and lock the office. Then had a friend take a baby shoe later that night and put foot prints in the powder and left a half eaten candy bar on his desk. OMG - but that wasn't as good as the time we switched out the whole door knob with the office next door and he spent an hour trying to get his key to work! I know, I'm evil.
ReplyDeleteGreg, You are so funny. Are you tormenting a poor little old lady..
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased those sheep haven't made it over here to my hairyvest too! They realy would be lost! Glad to see your 'Alive' and kicking Greg! Brooke, you are SOOO bad, but I like your style!
ReplyDeleteOh dear, I've just stumbled onto your blog, and now my mascara is ruined. Whew, it's not good to laugh this hard, this early in the morning... Mary's emails are HI-larious... the poor thing. She needs a little help from the geek squad I think...
ReplyDeleteKeep on keeping on Greg.
Lisa
I'm with Lisa there. First visit! Your interchange with Mary is hilarious, and I too think she needs the geek squad! 8-)
ReplyDelete