Saturday, September 26, 2009

A cool Give Away...

Pat over at Silver Thimble Talk is having a give away with some really cool freebies for you IF you win. Look at it this way, if you enter thats one less chance for me to win.. Go now, Pat will pick the winner on the 27th...

Friday, September 25, 2009

It's a Boy or Girl... It's a BABY!!!!

Thats right... My blogging pal Gene has a new BABY!!!! Although it's been with him for a while now, we are at this time unsure of a name.. Go check out the pictures and more info on Gene's Blog . And don't forget to participate in his Give Away.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

And the wait.......


It's been 3 weeks since I got my new machine. It was supposed to arrive with a darning foot and a walking foot. But they were not in the box when I opened it. So I played number punching on the phone until I got a hold of customer service from the place I bought it. I told them of the error and was assured they'd take care of the issue. 6 days later, I get a small box via UPS.. Goodie, my missing feet are here.. WRONG ANSWER!!! I got another darning plate and the standard sewing foot, both of which were in the box originally. So I call the customer service department of the worlds largest retailer AGAIN... I get to talk to them plus the machine manufacturer (3 way calling is fun!). Told them of the issue, proved my machine should have come with those accessories (pictures speak 1000 words!) and was assured I'd have the correct parts within a week. Well what do ya know, a small box from UPS today! Yeah! Kinda.... Open the box... I got the darning foot... but no walking foot. Instead I have a set of bi-level spring action guides. WTF Mary? What are Bi-level spring action guides used for? So I call the machine manufacturer, and tell the guy I've got the wrong parts AGAIN! He doesn't deal with sewing machines, he's in some other department... I'm transferred 3 times before I was told to call the retailer again. So I just got off the phone with customer service again, they've supposedly contacted the manufacturer about their error. I guess I'll see in a week.. If this keeps up, I could have their entire accessory catalog at my disposal.Maybe I'll open my own parts department. All I really want is my walking foot... plain and simple.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Want a free quilt? I know you do....

Whats muilti-colored and comfy and could be yours? This right here. But you gotta enter to win! This Give Away is brought to you by Judi of Green Fairy Quilts.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Want a free Jelly Roll?

Thats right me peeps... The nice peeps at Missouri Star Quilt Co. are giving away a FREE jelly roll. Go check 'em out!

Goodies in the mail...

A few days ago I was one of the lucky winners in the I'm Just A Guy Who Quilts give away. Ryan is a great guy, not only for offering to give random strangers FREE STUFF, but for the lil' extras he included in my goodie box. Below is a pic of the goodies I received from Ryan today.

Thanks Ryan!!!!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

A very nice give away

Nicole over at Our Cozy Nest has been featured at the Moda Bake Shop. And to celebrate, you could be getting a freebie... Wander on over, under, through, up to, beside or whatever there and enter. If you enter and win, remember I sent you!! If you enter and don't win don't worry about it, you'll win something soon! If you don't enter but win anyway, uhh we's got problems. But I know you'd never do that.. So go now.. Enter and possibly win!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

It's all about ME!!!!

Its been a great weekend here. First I reach 50 blog posts and have 32 followers as of this post. I won the I'm Just A Guy Who Quilts calendar give away and I managed to snag a guest blog spot over at We Love Quilting . Go forth now and check ME out elsewhere.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Quilt BINGO!

Okay.. Okay... Okay... I know in a previous post I said they (who ever THEY are) should rename the game of BINGO to OH CRAP!. I have joined a quilting version of bingo in which you "buy" cards by sending in FAT QUARTERS. If you win the game you receive ALL the FAT QUARTERS paid in for cards. Sound like fun? I thought so, and look at it this way, if YOU win you'll be getting FAT QUARTERS from my stash! How cool is that? C'mon Gene, this could be yet another thing YOU win!!! Click here to visit this rounds host's blog. And here for info on quilt Bingo!

Oh lookie, I mentioned FAT QUARTERS 3 no 4 times! (for more info read the "WTF Mary series", links in the right column)


Friday, September 11, 2009


Hello all, I've been temporarily granted posting privlages in honor of my "late" husband. This message is a bit of a test run. The plague of emails from our favorite mis-speller may finally be at an end. About 10 minutes ago we were notified by Grandson of the mayhem maker that Greg and Blog were "exterminated from her wishes." Although I'll miss the laughter and the tears - I really hope they figured it out. It's really depressing to think of a "101 yr old" granmother tapping away at her keys, worked up beyond her normal blood pressure readings because she subscribed to and repeatedly insulted a creative and twisted smart ass. So long Mary, we shall think of you often.

I'm Alive!!!

Some of you may remember my last Mary post where she asked me to "cease and decease" my blog activities. After very little thought and consideration and another email from mary, I decided this is MY blog and she can bug off. (This here's the time where you cue up RUN -DMC's song Mary Mary). I have to ask myself why she's buggin'.. Here's yet ANOTHER email from my biggest fan.

Mary writes:

"I feel as you sit in my compooter laughing at me at my expense. I can not to ford this as I am a fixed income. Will you please stop your postings so as I can get back to my online bingo? My information served to me sedated told me that I must request you to stop as that is my only course to take. Please honor my request as I am not wanting to hear from you again. Your postings have become brothersome to me as I am unable to do my daily compterization activations. Some nights I have lost sheep because of your constant postage. I do hop that you will soon stoop this and that I may regain my excess to my compooter. I wish you ill soon and stop this behiveor with I find too bee very childless.


Yet again my dear readers lets break this one down...

"I feel as you sit in my compooter laughing at me at my expense." Thats gotta be one big "compooter"! I'm 6 feet 3 inches tall. My time and talents are valuable. Please remit $74,689,567 for my time sitting and laughing at you.

"I can not to ford this as I am a fixed income." I believe Ford will be okay with the fact that you're a fixed income. BTW you're a fixed income? How much? Most hard working American's are also on a fixed income, they work 40 hours a week for a certain rate per hour. Sounds pretty fixed to me...

"Will you please stop your postings so as I can get back to my online bingo?" Personally, I think the game should be renamed to "oh crap" because everytime 1 person yells "BINGO", 45 others yell "OH CRAP!" And if you are a "fixed income" you shouldn't be wasting your money anyway.

"My information served to me sedated told me that I must request you to stop as that is my only course to take." So thats your problem, you've been sedated. Explains a lot there.

"Please honor my request as I am not wanting to hear from you again." I believe this is the only sentence I understand without having to translate it.

"Your postings have become brothersome to me as I am unable to do my daily compterization activations. " She ain't heavy.... She's my brother! WTF are computerization activations anyway?

"Some nights I have lost sheep because of your constant postage." You might want to call Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue or your local animal control people, they may be able to help you find your sheep. I apologize if my postage rates are too high for someone who is a fixed income. But rest assured my prices are cheaper than the US Postal Service.

"I do hop that you will soon stoop this and that I may regain my excess to my compooter." Be careful while you hop. I don't want you to fall and break a hip. I stoop it as soon as I figure out where to stoop. Consider yourself very lucky that you have "excess to your compooter". I know some people who like to have compooter excess.

"I wish you ill soon and stop this behiveor with I find too bee very childless." My dear Mary.. I think it's time to take your medication or seek professional help. I would NEVER wish anyone "ill soon". It's just not polite. Behiveor.. I guess a bee hive beats a hornet's nest! Too Bee or not too bee? thats not the correct spelling of "to be".. Childless? Hey now, thats a low blow.. I know I don't have children yet. But we's working on it. Besides does the world need another me running around?

My faithful and highly entertained readers (I hope), I can only imagine that Mary has added my blog to her blog list by mistake. I have to the best of my ability sent her instructions on how to remove my blog (I'm fighting back tears) from her list. Will this be the final episode? Tune in later to find out.

September 11

In memory of those we lost and in Honor of those serving and protecting.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

At mary's request

click picture to view bigger
You wanted it... You got it...

Mary writes:

"Please cease and decease all blog posts and emails to myself for 48 hours until such a time I can review my options.


You don't even have to dress up.. Please be kind in your comments...Bring your friends!!! In 48 hours can someone stop by with a defibrillator please? Thanks

Will she EVER give up?

A few minutes after I posted about Myrtle's retirement, my friend & critic Mary sent me the email posted below. WARNING: the email is UNEDITED, meaning the spelling, grammar and choice of words are hers. Some people may find it offensive.I have in no way edited her email. If you have not read the previous WTF Myrtle please do so to gain some background on this what I consider to be humorous issue. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

WTF Mary???

Mary writes:

" If you do not stop, I will be force not to notify and have your account deleted. It is not nice of you to mislead people into thinking you will be discussing the use of fat quarters in quiting and the quiting process. Why do you not talk about fat quers in your blog? are you even a quilter or you just making fun of us who are? Please respond via email because I need to know when you reply to me. I have enjoyed your first few blog posts and think your quilts are pretty.


Please note I have honored Mary's request and have replied to her via email, after I changed clothes because I wet myself from laughing so hard (not really but close!). My reply is below

"Dear Mary:

I appreciate that you have read and enjoyed the first part of my blog and that you liked my quilts. my Blog was never meant to be educational to anyone nor do I ever claim it to be anything about fat quarters. If you read the tag line in the title you'll see a references to my geographical location - THE FLATLANDS of Kansas. This blog is my musings most of which are about my quilting as are the blog's I follow. I'm not sure from your continued emails that you are familiar with blogging or the site that hosts my blog. It is not Yahoo therefore they would have no power whatsoever to delete my account nor have I in any form violated the terms of the user agreement. I'm sorry that you mistook my blog for something it is not, but that is in no way my fault. Your emails and the tone in which they were written amused me and I chose to share them with my readers. Those words, once delivered to my inbox, are in fact my property. Had you not wanted them displayed, they should have never been written. I have decided to respond directly to you this time as you seemed to not be informed of this and I wanted to correct this mis-perception. I will however be sharing my enjoyment with my faithful blog followers as I see fit. I will not poke undo harm at you. I will simply let your statements stand as written. Thank you. "

Now lets look into Mary's email shall we?

Go ahead and "not to notify" babe, this is a google owned site and yahoo can't and I doubt will do anything about it.

"Using Fat Quarters in quiting and the
quiting process" my question is the quiting of WHAT?

Why don't I talk about "Fat Quers" in my blog? ummm its not polite and I believe you've mis-spelled a word or two. I believe the politically correct term is Pudgy anyway...

Yes I "are even a quilter". And I'm an equal oportunity smart ass. I'll call anyone on their BS and I'd hope others would do that of me. As for making fun of you quilters, we're all in this boat together if'n we can't laugh at ourselves who the hell can we laugh at? Besides I have never poked fun or laughed at any of my quilting friends in order to cause un-do harm to them, you included.

Thank you for reading my previous posts and enjoying my finished quilt tops. Stay tuned I'll post more pictures of my finished work soon.

To all my followers, I thank you from the bottom of my stash bin. If you need, you may apply oxygen to help you breathe.


Terri over at Sew-Fantastic is celebrating her 1000th Etsy sale. Get over there and sign up... 8 winners in all!! Go Now!

Happy retirment Myrtle...


Tis I, the Flat Out Quilter back with some news. Myrtle, from WTF Myrtle fame has retired. Tis a sad day, but FEAR NOT! We have yet another installation of the Mary emails... And so WTF Mary is born!!!

Mary writes:

"Why did you post my message to you on your blog? My comments were not meant to be shared by the public. I'm beginning to dislike you, and thus will not return to your blog."

Well, well, well. WTF Mary? Thank you for taking the time to write me again. I see you're a reader of MY blog but not yet a public follower. I write my blog for MY enjoyment first, then for those who choose to follow what I have to say. If YOU don't like it, you don't have to read it. But since you keep sending me comments via email, you must be reading what I have to say.

As for "beginning to dislike me", stand in line... I have a lot of people who down right HATE me and even a few who'd prefer to see me dead, so "beginning to dislike" means, at least in my book, you kinda sorta like me right?

End WTF Mary...

Todays snail mail brought me several (81 pieces in all) "hawaiian postcards" for my yet to be started Hawaiian Postcard quilt (catchy name ain't it?) Enjoy the eye candy. I got these from the quilting forum postcard swap. The nice thing is, only 1 piece of all of these came from my original stack that I sent in.

I'll applogize now.. They ain't Fat Quarters, they measure 6 1/2" by 4 1/2 "

Tomorrow evening is our monthly guild meeting... I'm taking my camera and will post pics when we get home. I think you'll like some of the eye candy people bring.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow, where I'll use the term FAT QUARTER FRIDAY!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Another WTF Myrtle moment

I've just returned from our local library. I returned the 2 books I had checked out and replaced them with 2 more. My wife and I are currently reading the Janet Evanovich By The Numbers series with a twist. We started at the last book and are reading them to the first. Those books are funny even without reading the series backwards. We'll start book 7 tonight and probably book six by Monday night.

On to my WTF Myrtle moment.... I just got back in front of my computer and found an interesting email waiting for me. This message from Mary, location possibly California (using the numbers in her email address as a ZIP code).

Mary writes:

"Hello. I found your blog today and must say I was disappointed. With a name like Flat Out Quilting, I thought you'd have information on Fat Quarters and what can be done with them. Maybe you could write about that instead of whoever Myrtle is. If you don't I guess I will not be returning to your blog."

WTF Myrtle? Fat Quarter... Flat Out Quilting... Fat.... Flat.... Yeesh... Okay maybe the "L" in flat cornfused her, I dunno. Maybe she thought it was FAT Out Quilting, some kinda weight loss while you quilt program.

Maybe I need to Psycho Sanitize again....

Sunday, September 6, 2009

They arn't FAT... They're Pudgy!!!

My wife and I wandered over to Weston Mo. this afternoon in search of apples and peaches. Whats this got to do with quilting? Well hang on and I'll tell you. After we stopped for our apples and apple fritters (yummy!) we crossed the road to get our peaches. And before you ask, the apple pies are in the oven as I type this. On our way home I had a eureka moment and realized that Weston had a quilt shop we hadn't been to. So I dove off the highway and into town we went. Lemme tell you finding a parking spot on the main street on a Sunday afternoon is a great feat that if accomplished deserves a medal and a national holiday. But guess what? I found a spot across the street from the quilt shop (so in honor of my accomplishment take tomorrow off!!). Upon entering the store we were greeted by what I refer to as a "kick me" dog.. You know the type, the ones that are no bigger than a 2 liter bottle. Friendly lil' critter, and his/her (I didn't check to see if boy or girl) companion and his/her ball was ,okay I'll say it, CUTE!
We played ball for about 20 minutes before making our purchase and leaving the newly arriving customers to play ball. The Pigs In A Blanket Quilt Shop was a nice stop. Of course I didn't leave empty handed.. check out these "pudgy" finds..

Saturday, September 5, 2009

My PIF is.... in the mail!

Thats right my followers, my end of the Pay It Forward has been well, forwarded. By the time most of you read this, my 3 PIF packages will be at the mercy of the USPS (and whatever the UK postal system is called). I'll tell you that this was a fun project to do. If you get a chance to be part of a PIF chain, list, group or whatever you call it, I say DO IT you will enjoy it!!!!

To my 3 PIF recieptiants here's a sneak peek as to what each of you will be receiving. I do hope you enjoy the goodies. Each one is a limited edition.

As soon as I hear that all packages have been received I'll post a pic of the items I sent so everyone can see what I sent out.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Got the Blues? Lee does and she wants to give them to you!!!

Lee over at Quilts By Lee is having a Give Away... You could be on the receiving end of 5 very nice blue fat quarters if you should win. Go check it out.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

What I did in the waiting room

Greetings from my cell phone! I'm 45 miles away from my keyboard but still working on quilting ideas in a hospital waiting room. This was created using Raymond K. Houston's tile system. I call it basket weave.

We all love quilting...don't we?

And what better way to love quilting than with FREE STUFF! My new friends at We Love Quilting are having a surprise September Give Away... You can't win if you don't enter! Go Now....

Hey you what are you still reading this for click here for a chance at FREE STUFF.

By the time you finish reading this, you will have realized that "this says absolutely nothing important and I could have entered a Give Away contest by now..." click here NOW!